On Contests
Pointed question number one: Why is Richard Bruton the last man on earth who should be criticising anyone else on the planet for lacking in leadership skills?
Actually, maybe that’s not as pointed as it seems; you could argue that there is no-one in the world better-qualified than Bruton to recognise a lack of charisma when he sees it. After all, Yappy O’Whingebag has been flapping his jaw in the Dáil since 1982 now, and has been in and around the upper echelons of the Fine Gael leadership since the early nineties. He’s always looked like he fancied a crack as a party leader and has always completely failed to manage it; not only was he judged to be less suited to leadership than big brother John, but he’s now lost a leadership contest to Enda Kenny twice – which, as is a pretty open secret by now, is like losing a toe-sucking contest to a pitbull terrier with rabies. Richard Bruton knows all about people who aren’t cut out to be leader, for the best of all possible reasons*.
The problem is that he doesn’t seem to recognise his own shortcomings. Bruton might not be the least charming man on earth, but he’s in and around the bottom five. We’ve been listening to him yipping away on Prime Time and indulging in petty point-scoring for years but until now – to be fair – he always just came across as a smart man who was sadly bestowed with a crippling lack of likeability. There have been a few comments along the lines of “well Kenny is a disaster and Bruton should be leader and his timing is just a bit wrong,” but they’re as misguided as the man himself. It’s just about possible that there’s a better leadership candidate than Kenny in Fine Gael, but Bruton sure as hell isn’t it.
I should say here is that I couldn’t really care less if Fine Gael were being lead by Tom Baker or Kali, Goddess of Destruction, it wouldn’t make me any more likely to vote for them. This, really, is their main problem; it’s not the leader, it’s that the whole party inspires yawning apathy. What are Fine Gael actually for? Unlike any other Irish party, they don’t have any discernible ethos at all. Fianna Fáil’s aesthetic is that of slightly-crooked pragmatists who bend the rules and Get Shtuff Done, something that they’ve built up through local structures over generations. It might be repellent, and entirely fictitious, but it’s done them nicely for years. Fine Gael have always been faceless in comparison; “Like Fianna Fáil but a bit more clean-cut” doesn’t really cut it as a party ethic. They’ve garnered votes by not being Fianna Fáil, but these votes have been siphoned off over decades by Labour, the Shinners, the Greens, and other parties that gave vague hints of believing in something. The result is a party of middle-managers in bland suits. Young, dynamic, aspiring politicos (there’s an oxymoron for you) don’t join FG, and haven’t for years; hence there’s a complete lack of inspiring people at the head of the party. Kenny really is about as good as they’ve got. Richard Bruton would probably be a half-decent Finance Minister. But who else is there? George Lee… oh no, forget that**. So who else? Hayes, maybe. Coveney?? Varadkar????? Erm… That Guy With The Beard??????? It’s not that they lack an incisive leader, they lack any incisive politicians whatsoever.
Unfortunately, they happen to be the main opposition party in the country, so what they get up to actually matters. No matter what opinion polls are saying now, Labour won’t be the largest party at the next election – call it “The Lib Dem effect” if you will – and we’re going to have to rely on the Blueshirts to get Cowen’s miserable crew out of office. Fine Gael haven’t exactly been overflowing with new ideas, but watching the opposition collapse as we stagger on with the Least Popular Government Ever looks a little bit like an animal called “Democracy” eating its own kidneys.
Listing what’s wrong with Fianna Fáil would use up more memory than Blacknight will give me, but too many people think their collapse in support is due to corruption. It isn’t, although the Golden Circle nature of the current party has damaged their men-of-the-people shtick. Fianna Fáil have always been corrupt, and it doesn’t really affect them. Rather, their problem is that they’ve lost their sheen of competence; Irish people have forgiven Fianna Fáil all manner of bullshit down through the years, but this party is different. As opposed to the well-drilled gombeens of old, we’ve got a bunch of desperate little men, riven by petty jealousies, lurching from shit headline to shit headline. We’ve seen that they’re motivated solely by their own survival, that they couldn’t care less about the country, and that they no more know what’s going on than the England football team would if you made them watch Mulholland Drive.
In other words, just this once, Fine Gael’s selling point of Not Being Fianna Fáil actually seemed… workable. Act like a well-drilled, responsible unit, and they’re miles ahead of their competition. Bruton’s failed rebellion has destroyed that; it smacks of selfishness, and incompetence, and sheer blind panic. Sure, Fine Gael got a slightly disheartening poll result, but they’re still well ahead of Fianna Fáil, and that’s all that really matters to them. This is a time when two reports have damned Fianna Fáil’s management of the banking system, and Cowen’s conduct while Minister in particular. This was something that could actually have brought the government down, if used properly***. Instead it’s been pushed off the newspapers by a banal upheaval, incompetently managed and massively disruptive. The qualities we’ve seen in the party are exactly the qualities that are so hateful about the current lot in charge.
Bruton may have problems, but there’s one thing to say about him; he isn’t stupid. He would have known, more than anyone, that Cowen would be under enormous pressure, and that there were rumblings from his back-benches. He would have known that there was an outside chance – highly unlikely, but just about possible – that Kenny really could have forced an election if he played his cards right. Had that happened, Kenny would have ended up as Taoiseach… and it’s no secret that Bruton fancies himself for that job. Maybe, from his point of view, the timing wasn’t so crazy after all.
Maybe that’s bollocks. What isn’t bollocks is that Bruton put his personal ambitions ahead of any other considerations, and half the Fine Gael front bench followed him for no better reason than self-advancement, and guessing incorrectly what way the wind was blowing****.
What we’re left with is an opposition in tatters. That’s not a great state of affairs. What’s worse, though, is the certain knowledge that the guys across the room are no better than the ones in government. Bruton’s failed rebellion has been a bad joke, with the punchline that incompetence and greed are very bit as healthy on the other side of the table. It’s probably best we know, but it would have been nice if it weren’t true in the first place.
* No Irish newspaper has yet used the “Bruton Reaches The Enda The Line” joke, which shames us as a nation. ** If nothing else, the absolute certainty that George Lee probably feels like a complete tool right about now is quite heart-warming. *** And if anyone in government understood the metaphysical concept of “shame”. **** Have a look at Varadkar on Prime Time, trying desperately to think of a reason for turning on Enda that isn’t “Um, I think he’ll lose.”